curhadh

hey all!

now i'm listening to jar of hearts by christina perri while writing this shit. well its not some kind of shit, but this is the perfect place where i can express all of my feelings. i dont need an advice from everybody, i just wanna share it with everybody who read this post.

well, yesterday was 9 september. it used to be my anniversary with him. but there's no more anniversary, and at 29 september will be the day when the first time he greet me on msn. so funny back then, time flies so fast. i heard that he loves his girlfriend, thats good :)

ive been thinking about him all the time and it cost me a lot of pain. ive been trying so hard to get him outta my mind, well it works a little but still...it hurts a lot. i still love him, so much. i know he wont feel the same way so i just wanna bury all of my thoughts and feelings for him.

i dont want him back, but i just miss him around me. i just miss the way he loved me. but still, i dont want him back. i dont wanna feel the pain again, im so scared to open up my heart and fill it with new lover. its just not that easy, and i just dont wanna be in love anymore.

i just want him, i still need him even tho he's an asshole but believe me...he's just not that bad. he's a great kid. he's awesome, but still...he's the one that i never thought would hurt me, but he hurts me the most! he lied to me. thats the worst thing, i trusted him a lot.

but i never cried for him anymore..THANK GOD! i moved on with my life, i just realize that i have such a fucking good life. i just dont wanna move on to another hearts, because honestly he's the one that i really love the most.



i dont know what to say. sorry for all my twisted words.


ive got lots of things about him but i dont have any idea how to express it. im so fed up with my thoughts of him. im so fed up with waking up in the morning and find myself heartbroken, its still hurts until now. i just hate the fact that he still didnt want to tell the truth.


the most painful thing is....i still hold his hand in mine when im asleep. i can still feel his touch and his breath. i still remember the last time he looked me in the eye, gave me one last touch on my cheek. it felt really peaceful. and....


sorry, i cant continue this...


its too painful :(



toodles! ,
risha